Vent

Sometimes, being an anger venting machine is really nothing to me, as I have short-term memory. So, I don’t really remember stuff and I actually forget about them easily. But, when you’re actually having your final exam, and just to know that your previous grade wasn’t that good, well not what as you expected for the worse, and to be an anger venting object, after that, to receive a complaint from people for something that you’re not responsible for it but nevertheless, you will still have to settle it. Right, in the midst of trying to settle down everything, I would still have to pack for my bag and to do my revision, at the same time, to have some moment for myself. Just felt like, nothing is going on the right track. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way, but sometimes all the thoughts and emotions just flood and now being over-flow in your head. I can’t really say things out in any social network, because this would make things ugly. Yea, I can’t do that, shouldn’t do so. Okay, it’s getting better already. Chill.

p/s : stay focus, it’s not helping when you’re distracted.

Some Real Content Post

4months passed since I had come here. So far so good i guess. Some of them might think that I'm always busy and some of them think that I'm always so free that I've got nothing to do. So which is which? Heck care. It doesn't really bother me that much. No matter what, life will just have to move on, right? Hmm, currently having some thoughts on my mind, a plan actually. It wasn't meant to be known to the world until it's stabilized. Yes, it’s all about networking, but not when you haven’t even have a framework to show people, to use your networking and showcase your work. But oh well, things just doesn't worked out as what i wanted it to be, especially when you have partnership instead of solo. Okay, some heart felt moments, i feel lonely. But knowing that I'm not the only one who felt that way, just warm my heart a little. At least i know that I'm not alone. Usually, when this statement goes on to facebook, people will comment all sort of nonsense saying you are not alone right? Yea, if that's the case, why do i still feel that way if you really are by my side? Anyway, that's not the point. Semester break is coming soon. Just one last week of UT3 and I'm outta here, for a while. Not to say anything bad about staying here, but just a saying about how a girl misses her home? No, i am not homesick *trying to deny the fact*. Yea, the pushcart event is over. Good experience, to know that i made such a mistake. Blahahaha.

p/s : earthquake crack nail.

Sake of Keeping It Alive

There's a gap. That's what i've discovered after being here for 3 months. It's actually a very short time only considering the fact that i've to spend my time staying here for at least 6 years until i'm free to go wherever and do whatever my heart desires. Why am I trying so hard to fit in myself? Sometimes, it's suffocating me just to get used to their typical character. It's often very discouraging especially when i'm still in my doubts about what i'm doing now. But whenever i think about it, there will be another second thought that just pop out and hold me back to whatever that's on my mind. I need to do this, seriously. I have to put an end of all these stuff, but the thing is, i don't know how. Maybe deep inside of me knows just the right thing to do, is just that i'm not willing to take on the risk and bear the consequences. Why are fear holding me back? This bothers me alot and it pisses me off for putting myself in such a dilemma situation. Why do i have hesistation in trying to live a life? All out of a sudden, certain type of relationship seems to be not-so important to me anymore. Just being random, end of story. Watching transformer 3 tomorrow btw.

P/s : "Do you want to meet up?"

Think hard, think twice.

Amazing. sometimes i wonder why and i whispered to myself in my heart repeating the same question again and again, "what's next"? and i'm back to the starting point and pounders around slacking, not exploring, my way out. everytime people ask me if i'm alright with it, if i'm prepared already? i've always acted as if i couldn't've been bothered about it but honestly, that's just a way to escape from the reality. i'm really afraid. it's gonna be so fake if i say that i am not interested in it. to me, having high expectations about something has never been great but well, tat's just me. i mean, if i don't expect anything, i don't feel disappointed about it even if it fails right? instead, i could have just accept it calmly. i understand clearly how much effort have i put in and i'm truly aware that i don't deserve anything abv that. regrets? if saying no would make change the fact then i'm willing to do so. but sadly, thing's aren't as easy as it seems, though, it's not tat complicated as well. still, anyway, yes, i would regret at times whether i'm alone or not, but the surrounding sure is good enough for me to think this and think that. yea, the white hairs are growing, rapidly. been thinking too much perhaps? many times, that my mind just went empty and my thoughts went blank. yes, that's the time i declare that i'm defeated, to the limit. ahh, speaking about it, reminds me of the planS that i should have fulfill but it's left undone up till now. yea, it's been such a long time. till the memories are kinda blur already. fading it's way out. far far away. i think i'm having some attitude problemS. am i really tat predictable? why do people figure out my mind so easily while i'ms till trying hard to figure out theirs? so it's true, tat i'm ego. at least, i accept and admit it. it's not something worth to hide though. guess this should be the most heartfelt post, public wise? good thing that noone understands what i'm voicing out. yea, just another bricks of wall that i've built. - this space was original filled with many backspaced sentenceS, but i just don't think it's the right thing to do. -

p/s : catching up animes lately.

yea, right.

Happy New Year

2010 finally gone. it's 2011 now. went for countdown. no wait, went to kpo. seriously, i don't recognize people and i just can't remember their names. oh and my friend's mum actually recognize me since primary school, which we've not met for at least 5 years. impressive. anyway, been hanging out and busy with the driving thing. went to iparade on thursday to hang out+use the sushi voucher+sell reference book. and tday went to iparade again for friend's ''NS farewell". lols. since she's leaving to kedah, like tmr. went to k-box and act like a siao char bor. oh and about my first 2hours driving lesson. it was pathetic. that uncle uses part of my 10hrs to fetch his other students to do this and do that. Zzz. i was fine with it actually but later, long story happened and i started very buay song. still, i have to fake it as if i don't mind at all. what a torture. anyway, i still don't have any plan so far. tat means i'm kinda free. but i feel like i got lots of things to do leh. Blah wadeva.

p/s : slow down slow down.

uh huh uh huh.

tat's the ''instructor'' uncle.